According to today's newspapers, overweight and obese people could soon be paid to lose weight under plans being considered by the Government.

Sounds like a good idea to me - not least because I could do with losing some weight as we all know and I'm not going to say no to free money.

But then again it isn't free money if the Government is handing it out. It's taxpayers' money. And as a taxpayer that means the Government will be giving my money to people like me who have nobody but themselves to blame for piling on the pounds in the first place.

Not that the Government has got any spare money to hand out.

The idiots in charge of our country had to borrow £43.6 billion in 2007 just to keep us in the lifestyle we've become accustomed to. You know, failing schools, potholes in roads, no dentists, that sort of lifestyle.

Fortunately for us taxpayers, it won't actually be the Government who will be footing the bill to pay fatties to lose weight. It's employers who will be encouraged to set up competitions with money, vouchers (presumably not Tesco vouchers) and other rewards for people who lose weight.

But what if it backfires and people put on a few pounds with the sole intention of losing it again to win prizes?

And what about unemployed fat people? Will my local Jobcentre Plus start weighing people every fortnight when they sign on, handing out goodie bags to anyone who has lost weight?

And why stop at fatties if you want to improve the nation's health? Why not pay people to give up smoking? Why not pay people to drink less?

In fact why stop at the nation's health. Who needs more bobbies on the beat when we could simply pay criminals not to commit crime?

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